Valentine’s Day.  That holiday that is either loved or hated depending on your current status.  If your in a relationship(a good one) then you are likely to embrace the day.  If your not in a relationship(or in a bad one) your likely going to hate all the mushy lovey dovey stuff.

For the most part I’ve always felt it is a contrived holiday to benefit the candy makers and  greeting card companies.  This year is a bit different.  This year I’m in a relationship with someone whose company I enjoy, who makes my face light up when I see him and who I want to spend every minute with.  While I still think the holiday is overdone by card and candy companies, I’m jumping on the candy heart bandwagon.

Valentine’s Day celebrates love and affection.  Go as far back as the Romans and lovers and friends have been exchanging tokens of love and friendship in the middle of the month in February.  Whether it is a simple token of affection to a friend you hold dear or something more personal and thoughtful to a lover, it’s a day to celebrate the bonds we have with those we love.

We shouldn’t need one day to remind us to say "I love you" though.  We should say it every day.  Life is far too short and things change to quickly to let a moment go by without telling the people you care about how you feel.

So I’m taking this moment to say "I <3 You" to those who I hold dear.  They know who they are.  You all mean the world to me.   You’ve each touched my heart in a different way and I’ve changed, hopefully for the better, because of it.  Not a day goes by that I don’t think about each of you or try to make sure I at least say hello.

To Ioh…. You have stolen my heart.  I love you more than I could possibly say.  Your my last thought as I drift off to sleep and my first when I awake.  I love you…   always.

To all those who aren’t in a relationship and totally believe this to be an overblown commercial holiday – I hear you.  I’ve been there.  But Valentine’s day isn’t just for lovers.  It really is for everyone.  Tell your friends how much you care about them.   Tell your family what they mean to you.  Tell that designer whose clothes you adore how much you love their what they make.  Take the opportunity to tell someone you care about them. 

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

P.S. -  Back to square one on the complaint meter.  Someone who shall remain nameless (Prad) pointed out a small rant I’d made.  So, back to the beginning – 1 day with no complaints!  Go me!  lol

This is kind of an aside from two of my previous posts.  Here’s my question for all of you:

Is it ok to lie to someone?

I realize this isn’t a black and white topic.  There is no short yes or no answer.  But should there be?  Think about this for a moment.  You meet someone you like, that you’d like to get to know better.  Do you tell them the truth about your situation up front and hope for the best?  Or.. do you wait until they’ve invested in a relationship only to find out it was under false pretenses?  Or.. do you never tell them and hope they don’t find out?

For me, there are things I DON’T want to know.  But some of the bigger issues I’d want to know up front.  Male in a female av, married, gay pretending to be hetero, approximate age.  I’d prefer to know this stuff up front.  Why you ask?  Because to find out later would feel like a betrayal.  I don’t want to be lied to.  I may not like what you tell me, but I’d rather here it up front.  Lets say your a male in a female av or vice versa.  Your female av and I are great friends, shopping hanging out etc.  I tell her things that I wouldn’t tell a male friend(girls are like that).  then I find out I’ve been confessing these secrets in fact, to a guy.  Woah, major betrayal.  How can I trust this person now? 

If your married, why hide it?  Ashamed of it?  Or are you just looking for a good time and figure if people know your married they’d stay away?  Some will.  Some won’t.  Me, i’m in the stay away category.  I don’t get involved with married men in RL or SL(SL married/partnered). 

The age thing I’ve talked about before.  I’m not going to rehash it again.  I met one guy in SL who was gay in RL but wanted to be hetero in SL.  He didn’t do it well.   He’s now openly gay in SL too.  He can buy my clothes anyday btw, he’s got fab taste.

So what do you think?  When is a lie ok?  Is it ever ok?  Have you ever lied to someone you are really close to and regret it now?

I’ve been talking about love and sex and the happy bit of being in love and I’ve ignored the crappy part.  The part where it ends.  The part where you feel like you’ve been kicked around the block and run over by a train it hurts so much.  The part where you just want to die.

Yep, been there, done that, got the T-shirt.  Or should I say shirts???  *sigh  I’m sure we’ve all been there.  Breakups are rarely *fun*.  Do you talk to your ex? Without spitting in his/her eye of course.   I don’t.  I think I have one muted still.   Here’s the thing though, how do you get from *I love you* to *I wish you’d rot in hell!*???

At the beginning of the summer I watched most of my friends pairing off.  I was happy for them of course but I just hate being the fifth wheel.  So while the summer is quiet anyway I spent a lot of time exploring and learning Photoshop .   Now the summer is over and a lot of those relationships are falling apart, new ones forming.  Two of my ex’s are blissfully happy now in both SL and RL with the person they dated after me.  I think they should both be thanking me.  If I hadn’t broken up with him, they wouldn’t have him.   Course, if I hadn’t broken up with them they would probably be dead and I’d be in jail for murder so it’s good all around.   Win win for everyone.  

I’ve watched some relationships fall apart that I really thought would be forever and that makes me sad.  I see others that will probably implode.  That is sad as well.  I’ve seen something happen to people when they partner in SL.  They get too clingy or possessive or something but they change.  I’ve seen friends  partner and stay that way for ages.  I’ve seen people partner for business reasons.  I’ve even seen people partner themselves! 

So, partner or not?  If you do, why?  If you don’t, why not?

Come on… tell me what ya think.

Last week I talked about love and sex.  Ahuva http://ahuva18.wordpress.com/  today adds fantasy into the mix.  I’m actually a bit amazed at how few people want to talk about it.  With the prevelance of sex in Sl you’d think it would be a lot more popular.

So here we are.  There are avatars all over SL right now engaging in some form of intimacy.  Be it cybering, poseball/Xcite pixel bashing or simply cuddling somewhere private and chatting.  So I have to ask… Is this a game?  If your here for the fantasy part of this, the part where you can do things you’d never do in RL then is SL a game to you or is it real?

Now I hear lots of people say *it’s not a game* but how many really believe it.  Are you your avatar and vice versa?  Is your Avatar and extension of yourself and you an extension of your avatar?

Personally, SL is not a game.  It’s not a fantasy for me either.  Although I’ve done many things I’d never do in RL.  And in that respect there is a bit of a *game* feeling.  The fantasy that I can do what I won’t do in RL.  But that’s limited to simply the doing of something.  When it comes to my relationships with other Avatars and their humans, it stops being a game.

If you’ve ever had a relationship in SL and had it fall apart then you’ll know it’s not a game.  The feelings are real.  The pain is real.  The joy is also real.  The love is real.   So, no, it’s not a game.

I’ve seen relationships fall apart and others grow and flourish.  I’ve seen friends turn to lovers, then to partners then to marriage.  In both SL and RL.  I know it happens.  Only those people really know the nature of  their relationship in SL.  Whether it was all sex or something else entirely.  Something more than just sex.

Is there a line you won’t cross?  Is there someone you’ve had a crush on but would NEVER do anything about?  When do say "No, I won’t cross that line".  Or do you say no? 

I’ve come across a couple situations this week that have me wondering what I would or should do.

If you find out someone you’ve known for while is underage do you report them?  It’s against the TOS to be under 18 and on the main grid.  Yet we know there are a lot of *kids* on the main grid that never get reported.  Should your friendship or the TOS dictate what you do?   Honestly, I don’t know.  Rules are made for a reason.  Not only to protect the lab but to protect the residents as well.  Do you trash a friendship because someone crossed a line that they shouldn’t have?

If you’ve caught someone in a lie do you call them on it?  If you do and they deny it but you have proof, what do you do then?  Can you stay friends with someone who can lie so easily?  Can you stay friends with someone who you know is doing it just for attention? 

When do you cross the line between friends and more than friends?  Can you? Should you?  If you cross that line the relationship forever changes.  For better or worse what you had is gone.  Is it worth it?  It’s a question of what’s more important, the friendship you have, or what you may have romantically.

One last idea to ponder, do you have a secret crush?  Someone no one knows about?  Someone you fantasize about?  Would you tell them?

Yesterdays post was all about love and sex.  My readership went thru the roof.  Mostly people searching sex.  Now I’m gonna say something so you may want to sit down.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.  Sitting down?  Ok here goes.

There are other things in life besides Sex.

Really, there are.  And if you watch the news this week, you’ll depress yourself so that’s probably not a good idea.  But really, there are other ways to occupy your time.  Don’t get me wrong, I like sex just as much as anyone.  My mind though can handle other topics.

So lets get back to the topic of love.  Can you fall in love with someone you’ve never met in RL, that you’ve only spoken to in text or voice or skype?  Personally I think you can.  You fall in love with the person, the character and personality.  You also get to really know them in a much shorter period of time.  In RL you wouldn’t spend 4 hours dancing in a club, then wander off to a park for a cuddle and then maybe stopping off at the mall for a quick shopping trip before heading home.  But in SL you can.  You can really get to know someone when most of your connection is thru text.  That’s not to say that when/if you meet in RL there won’t be a spark.  It could go both ways.

So have you fallen in love in SL?  I have.  It didn’t work out but it was lovely for awhile.  Was it that all consuming bare your soul kind of love.  No.  But I did love them. 

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about happiness and how it means different things to different people.  How do you define happiness?  Do you need a significant other to be happy?  I think we make our own happiness.  You can have everything you’ve ever wanted and still be miserable.  It’s all in your attitude.  It can’t be faked either.  You can pretend your happy but those who know you well will see right thru it.

Let me know your thoughts on love, happiness and yes sex.  I really want to know.  I really like to hear other peoples opinions on this stuff.

Love and Sex, hot topics it seems lately.  I’ll jump in, why not.  Ahuva posted an interesting question on her blog http://ahuva18.wordpress.com/  asking what falling in love meant to the reader.  For me, it’s being vulnerable and giddy all at the same time.  Being vulnerable doesn’t always need to be a bad thing.   There is nothing like that feeling you get when love is new.  You can’t wait to see them and talk to them.  So much to tell them.  You want to share every moment of your life with them.  You get a smile just thinking about them.  The room brightens when they enter.  Later that feeling becomes a warm blanket you wrap around you.  Not to hide under but to feel safe in.  To me, that’s love.

The other question she asked was about SL sex.  Having, not having and why.  Got me to thinking about my own experiences.  Two years ago when I came to SL having a good skin and the appropriate *parts* was important.  My partners even bought me what I needed all the say down to sound effects  *rolls eyes*.  Back then I was new to virtual worlds and while my partner seemed to take the whole thing quite seriously, all I could do was giggle.  I’m sorry but watching his willy jerking upwards thru my body spewing particle sperm is funny.  Don’t tell me it isn’t.  See, now your laughing.  What did I tell you.    Add in the sound effects he bought me and it’s a good thing we weren’t on cam or voice.

So, now we move to the next type of guy, the one who only cybers.  For him it doesn’t matter where you are, what your wearing.  You’ll note I say for him.  He will flirt and cyber in IM with you from across a dance floor or 20 sims.  He doesn’t even need to be standing in front of you.  Hmmm romantic that.  Not.  What pleasure he is getting from this activity I don’t know.  Not sure i want to either.

I know sex is a huge business in SL.  Escorts, dancers, slaves, all the RP groups they all use sex in one way or another.  But are the majority of folks in normal relationships in SL having pixellated sex?  90% of my friends think the bumping and grinding of pixels is silly and I tend to agree.  So are they all cybering behind closed IMs?  Could be. 

For me, in order for a cyber session to be something other than text on a screen, there has to be an emotional connection to the other person.  Otherwise, it’s text on the screen.  And frankly, with a few exceptions, I’ve read better books.   In fact, some of you should think about writing this stuff down.

I’ve had relationships in SL with no sex at all.  No pixels bashing against each other and no cybering either.  Yeah I got the occasional *kiss* or *hug* but that was it.  Did I miss it?  Pixel bashing, no.  Like I said above, i find it silly.  The intimacy that cybering would have created, yeah I missed that.  But you can’t force it.  It either happens or it doesn’t. 

So, there you have it, my take on love and sex in SL.  I’d love to hear what you think.