You see it happening.  You know what’s happening and yet you are powerless to do anything about it.  After all, who willingly would want to destroy friendships, push people away and do irreperable harm to relationships that meant so much?  No one.  And yet, it happens. 

One careless statement and trust is shattered.  Trust that took a long time to build in the first place. 

Selfishly putting yourself first and forgetting that someone else matters.  Do it enough and you push everyone away to the point they likely cringe when they hear your voice or see your name.

Pushing too hard and having no patience when things don’t go your way.  Patience is a virtue.  Push too hard and you’ll push them so far away you’ll never get them back.

I’ve done all this and more to people I really care about.  Why?  Because I was selfish and so focused on what I needed that I never stopped to think about what they needed.  I pushed so hard to get what I wanted and needed I pushed them so far away the damage is done and nothing can fix it now.  Not that I blame them in the slightest.  I acted horribly.

I had a conversation with one of these people recently and my words to him keep coming back to haunt me.  I should have listened to my own advice, my own words.  I meant them when I said them to him, why couldn’t I listen to them myself.

So this is an open apology to them.  I abused our relationship, destroyed your trust in me, ruined friendships that meant a great deal to me and in the end I have only myself to blame.  I make no excuses for my behaviour.  I don’t ask for forgiveness.  I’ve spent too long feeling sorry for myself for what I’ve lost.  What’s done is done, I can’t change it now.  I can’t undo what I’ve done.

I simply want to say, “I’m sorry.”

Lesson learned:  Friends are a true gift and not one to be squandered over stupid things. 

I’m moving on and moving forward.  Taking each day and each friend for the blessing they are.

So, a bunch of things to talk about…

The Crown…. is not going away.  Thanks to a wonderful patron who has asked to be anonymous, it will live on.  Neither Prad or I ever wanted the Crown to be a place where those who came to enjoy it would be constantly pumping the customers for tips.  Because of that we’ve basically paid for the place out of our own pockets.  It never mattered how busy the place was, we just never pushed for donations.  With both Prad and I busy these days the running of the place has fallen on Skittles and she does an amazing job!!  I’m hoping that in the coming months you’ll see a lot going on over there.

Rein…. Yes, Rein and I split up.  Yes, it was his idea to do so.  Some who may read this blog will probably smile at this with an I told you so and revel in my misfortune and hurt.  So be it.  There will always be those who do that.  It’s been over a week since he and I broke up and there has been a lot of hurt on both sides and at least on my side, a lot of tears.  I’ve lost someone who first and foremost was a friend and that I will mourn.  Anything else is personal between he and I and will stay that way.

Midian… Midian is in chaos because of Damian’s death.  It’s going to be a long week but I hope it spurs some good changes and roleplay and gets everyone thinking well of the city again.  There has been lots of OOC drama over the last few months.  Hopefully this new sim wide plot will pull the city back together. 

Angel Square… A few open plots of land are up for sale/rent.  IM me in world if interested.

Catwalkers…. We have new kittens and we are pulling together to deal with the cities latest crisis.  As always, cats land on their feet.  It’ll be  a difficult time but we’ll come out on the other side better than we were.

It’s a short post I know, but it’s just a quick update.  More to come later….

Have a brilliant day everyone!

I may not post often during mass but that doesn’t mean I’m not paying attention, letting Eamon’s words sink in.  I’m not a big flowery poster.  I don’t always emote everything I’m thinking or feeling.  It’s just not my way.  But one thing that has come up in the past few days is a question of faith.

Faith to me is a blind acceptance of something that can’t be proven.  I question everything normally.  What I don’t question though is my faith in my friends and my faith in some higher power that is looking out for all of us.  My friends have proved time and again that they are there for me.  We may not always agree, we may fight but in the end we will make up and move on, a closer better relationship because of it.

There are a couple of old sayings, “Whenever God closes a door he opens a window” and “You never get thrown more than you can handle”.  I truly believe these.  My life has changed dramatically in the last 6 – 7 months.  Have the circumstances in my real life changed how I look at things and my reactions?  In a word, yes.  How can they not.

I was in a relationship for months that ended badly.  I don’t dispute that.  I won’t even dispute that I hold some responsibility for that.  Did I love him?  Yes.  Did I give up eventually?  Yes.  Am I proud of that?  No, but you reach a point where it’s just simply time to let it go and move on.  I did.  That was months ago.  Why it has all come up again in the last couple of weeks I don’t know but it has.  Now we all get to relive it.  I’d prefer not to.  I was there the first time.

It’s time to move on and put the past behind me. 

It’s time to have Faith that what lies ahead is better than what lies behind.

It’s time to have Faith  in myself.

Happy Groundhog Day y’all, and here’s to another 6 weeks of winter.  Groan.

Someone told me once that you can’t go back and they were right.  You really can’t go back.  Once you’ve lived that moment, it’s over it’s gone and you’ve already changed somewhat because of it.  To look back now, months later on the conversations I had with people I have to wonder what I was thinking when I said some of the things I said.  I’m not saying I would change the tone of my half of the conversation, or even the message but I said things then that I wouldn’t say now.  I remember these conversations like it was yesterday and all the same thoughts and feelings came back as if I was reliving it all over again.  I suppose the difference now is, I trusted the people I was talking to enough to share things with them that I wouldn’t share with the world and now it has been shared with the world.  Trust is hard enough to come by these days but to have that trust you’ve given be trashed, stomped on and thrown back at you….  I guess some things are better left unsaid no matter who you are talking to.

I’ve gone back and re-read the this blog too and one post I wrote rings true for me again today.  You can read it here:  http://www.baileylongcloth.com/2009/06/09/conflict/  Go ahead, go read it, I’ll wait.

The one thing I’ve learned now that perhaps I hadn’t thought of before is that sometimes the best way to deal with conflict is to walk away from it.  To learn to pick your battles and let go of the ones that while you may win, they serve no purpose in winning.  There are times when there even the winner loses. 

So, it’s Sunday.  RP Mass in Midian this afternoon.  Something I do look forward to every week.  While I am not overly religious in RL, I am a Catholic and even though it’s just RP, it does give me a good feeling for the upcoming week.   If nothing more than a simple reflection of the previous week.  I have a lot to reflect on.  Not to mention I get to RP with a bunch of people I truly like and care for.  Spending a few hours with them every week is something I truly look forward to.

Have a good day everyone.

Perhaps it’s easier to say what I won’t do with it.

I won’t use this blog to trash, slander or otherwise publically humiliate anyone else.  This blog will be my own personal thoughts on a variety of subjects but I won’t use it against anyone.  You all can do what you want in the comments.  I’m not going to delete anything.  Let your words and thoughts speak for your own character.

This won’t be a fashion blog.  There are far too many out there already that I truly enjoy reading.  Let those that do it well, keep doing it.

This won’t be a blog solely about RPing or Midian specifically.  Yes I do RP quite a bit but I’m also a builder, a sim owner, a bar/club owner and a photographer.  I will talk about Midian but I’ll also talk about everything else too.

For those who have been reading the past few days and especially those who have read the comments and made comments to me directly, I apologize that the first thing you read is quite negative and unpleasant and the tone some of the comments have taken.  Those who know me well know what the last year has been like for me.  I’m not going to rehash it now.  I simply want to say thank you to all of you for everything.  It’s a new year though and I intend to look forward rather than back.

Comments will always be open, nothing will get deleted.  As a very wise woman said to me, how someone speaks about others is a better indication of the type of person they are than what others say about them.  Thank you Auntie for the talks, you truly are a gem.

Have a good weekend everyone!

I wonder if you’ve heard the saying, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  I said in my last post, and in my comment I wanted civil discussion here and for the post part, I’m seeing it.  However, I’m also seeing comments whose only purpose is to defame, degrade, and attack people who choose to comment here. 

I’m seeing my friends attacked simply for being my friend.  That is no way to get agreement or to sway people to your side of an argument.  Personal attacks do nothing but to inflame and make you look like a fool.

As I see it, Ioh took issue with Midian and also with me. The issue with me is personal and should have stayed private.  I won’t discuss the details here or anywhere else within the public domain that I have not already stated.  As far as the issues that he sees in Midian… it’s hard to know if these are valid arguments or simply fueled by animosity and hate.

Ayami, Ari, BD have been wonderful friends and I cherish and value them for it.  Each I’m sure have had issues with Midian and me in the past and each and every time I’ve been involved, we’ve talked and worked things out.  As far as Midian is concerned, I have no power or control over anything except the Catwalkers.  The city itself and how it’s run, i’ve got nothing to do with.  To be honest, I have my own sims to worry about.

So, if you want to have an actual discussion about what may or may not be wrong in Midian, SL, RL or the Moon then fine, have a discussion here, I welcome it.  If all you want to do is throw barbs and jabs and insults then do it on -your- blog.  I’ve decided not to close comments or delete any.  Why?  Simple, the character of a person comes out in the way they respond and the words they use.  I’m not going  to hide behind my admin rights to delete.  Just like I try not to hide behind consent in Midian.

I’ll repeat my earlier quote for those who may have missed it…

 ”If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

A year ago, Dazy talked me into coming to Midian and joining the Catwalkers.  I’d never RP’d before and wasn’t sure if I wanted to but I was looking for something new to do on SL and decided, why  not.  Around the same time she posted in Midian Chat that she was selling off some of her land and that I had land free on Angel Square.  (I still do by the way )  A few midianites chose to come live on Angel Square.  Ioh was one of them.  He moved in, we chatted, we RP’d together, we had a connection.  We started with an IC relationship between Ioh and Bails.  At some point that relationship changed and became an OOC one as well.  Bails pledged the Catwalkers and everything was grand.  Ioh and I decided that Bails would get pregnant, with twins.  An expedited pregnancy for reasons of our own and Bails became a full catwalker.  Everything was still grand.

At some point, I don’t know when things between Ioh and I were starting to be not so grand.  I’m not going to go into all the details here of what went wrong with our relationship.  That’s private and I really resent how much of it is being discussed among people who don’t know me, have never spoken to me and have no interest in knowing the full story.  Suffice to say, things were deteriorating.   Fast forward to June of 2009.  I got laid off at the end of the month.  Ioh knew months before that he would no longer have the job he had so come the end of June, he too was out of work.

Being unemployed isn’t easy.  Anyone who has been there knows that.  It takes all your will just to get out of bed in the morning and make phone calls, send off emails with resumes.  I took a couple classes and was doing everything I could to get a job in my field.  During the next few months, Ioh and I really did nothing but argue over things.  He and I certainly did not see eye to eye on a great many things.  The most important of which was the possibility of a RL relationship.  I won’t speak for him but I simply couldn’t afford a trip to the West Coast for a visit.  I was/am having enough trouble just paying the bills.  He suggested I move to the West Coast.  My family is here on the East Coast and I wasn’t about to pick up and move across the country.  As I said, I’m having enough trouble paying the bills I have, the idea of moving expenses, job hunting in a part of the country I’m totally unfamiliar with, call me a coward but no I wasn’t going to do it.  I don’t recall him saying he was looking for jobs on the East Coast, maybe he did.  So, our relationship deteriorated further to the point where he gave me an ultimatum.

Now this was the second one he had given me.  After the first I told him to NEVER do it again.  So, when I got the second one I told him I wasn’t responding to it.  He decided to leave the Catwalkers, the Parish and all his groups.  He was leaving Midian and SL.  This was during the time of his ‘coma’ RP.  A RP that I didn’t know anything about until I was told he planned on passing out in the middle of mass, basically keeling over while delivering the Gospel as Deacon.  I thought this was a horrible idea and talked him out of it.  He and I came up with a new plan and executed it.  During the course of the rest of that week he laid in the bed in the med den ‘dreaming’.  Most of these dreams were delivered in latin so that most of those in the area had no idea what was being said without a translation.  It was uncomfortable but we all did it.  Then came the time for him to come out of the coma.  Again, we talked about possibilities and a tie in to another RP I was doing with Dazy.  Well, none of those possibilities happened.  Ioh gave me his ultimatum.  He left all the groups.  He said he was leaving.

On October 25th around 3am my phone rang a few times.  When the phone rings in the middle of the night, your instantly wide awake.  Especially when you have parents with health issues.  So when I saw the number on my caller ID I didn’t answer it.  The next morning I sent Ioh a text stating how unhappy I was with him calling me at 3am.  He didn’t think it was a big deal.  Though later that day I received an email from him stating that he was in fact leaving Midian and SL and that there would be no more communication with him.  Since that email, I haven’t spoken to him.

So, Ioh left Midian, simply disappeared from the Catwalker med den.  Bails was left to figure out how to continue her story without him.  I talked to a lot of people about it.  Got a lot of advice.  I chose a path and the others who were involved in our story agreed to go along with it.  Some time later Ioh returns to Midian, no memory of who he was but with a deep hatred for the Catwalkers.  My choice was to not RP with him based on comments he was making in Flickr, the forum and within Midian Chat.  His character and alts decided to push the boundaries of what is acceptable in Midian in relation to faction HQs.  At that time I told the catwalkers ‘my’ position and that they could do what they wanted.  After speaking with several of them it was becoming obvious that he wasn’t someone they wanted to RP with.  Their choice.

Now, in all of this time I have never once publically said anything against Ioh.  I’ve never AR’d him.  I’ve not commented on his flickr.  I’ve not responded to any of his forum posts.  Even when I was passing complaints from my cats about him to Midian admins I was still not asking for him to be banned from anywhere.  My position, and it still is… if I can ignore him so can anyone else.

Things have gone to far though lately.  Between what he said on the forums and what he has said specifically about me in Flickr I’m done keeping quiet.  So, this is my side of the story.  No, it’s not complete.  I’ve left a lot out on purpose.  It’s my belief that some things are private and should remain that way.  Yes, I loved him.  Until recently, I still cared what happened to him and was sad to see what he had resorted to.  I’m done though.  I’ve had enough.  He can say what he wants about me.  Call me any names he wants.  None of that will change how I felt and the pain I went through.  So, if you want to post a comment here, be my guest.  It’s not my position to delete posts but I will if your just trolling.  Have something constructive to say, a question, a criticism that’s fine but be civil about it.

Gallery of Light:  The Gallery is having a reopening.  Instead of having multiple photographers displayed at once, the focus will be on one artist at a time.  Each will be displayed in the Gallery for a month.  The first will likely be up by the end of the week with a full launch party in her honor.  She doesn’t know about the party yet.   No date set yet but I’ll post the invite to the party and details about the show closer to the opening.  Stayed tuned here for details on that!

Crown and Pearl/C2P:  We’ve had some awesome parties the past week or two and I want to see them continue.  In order to do that Prad and I have hired a manager to help us out.  Prad and I both have other responsibilities that keep us out of the Crown on a regular basis but that doesn’t mean we don’t care about the place.  Quite the contrary.  I’ll be sending a note out to all of the DJs who have played regularly and welcome note to the group itself next week.  This is just a heads up that you should start to see more going on at both the Crown and C2P.  If you want more info, drop me a note in world or leave a message here.  I’ll be putting up a more formal post here about what were are planning so stay tuned for that too!

Longcloth ltd:  Yes, I started my own business.  I’ve got a few pieces up on xstreet now and will be adding more.  Right now I’m working on some Yoga poses that will come in a yoga mat.  Eventually I’ll have everything in world in one of the stores in Angel Square.  For now, if you want to see any of the items I have on xstreet in person, just drop me an IM and I’ll be happy to show you.  Pictures don’t always do these things justice you know.

Angel Square:  There is some open land plots on the island.  Whether you want to buy the land or just rent it, I can accomodate you.  Tier/rental prices are reasonable and inline with the rest of SL.  If you’ve been to Angel Square you know it’s a fairly quiet sim, with very few griefers/trouble makers.  The current residents are all wonderful folks and very friendly.  If you are looking for a nice  place to rent some land with a reasonable landlord, then drop me an IM.  I’d be happy to show you around.

Well…. I think that’s about it for now.  More detailed posts will be forth coming about the Crown and the Gallery in the near future so stay tuned!

Cheers…

Bails

What should I blog about though?  I’m not a fashion blogger and honestly, do we really need another one?  I could certainly blog about Midian City and the Catwalkers and St Michaels Parish but that wouldn’t be of interest to anyone who isn’t already participating in all of that.

I could certainly plug the business I’m starting, Longcloth Ltd.  Buildings, poses and probably some other random items that pop into my head and I think you all MUST have. 

I could review businesses that focus on prefabs, furniture, landscaping etc.  Not enough of those in my humble opinion.  But then again, is there an interest?  Are there people out there looking for that kind of information?

I could certainly plug my sim Angel Square.  I just happen to have some lovely land for sale or rent.  Oh and some great stores are open for rent too.  Then of course there is the C2P, the awesome club under, yes under, the market on Angel Square. 

I bought Angel Square with one purpose in mind, to provide a nice place for people to live and have fun.  Most of the sim either is or has at one time been filled with friends and family.  Some have come and go, some have stayed and watched the sim change numerous times since I took it over back in January of 2007.  It will likely change again, into what, I don’t know.  I’d love to have the stores full and the club hopping every night but in reality, it’s mostly a residential sim and residents don’t want strangers wandering into their homes and using their beds.  Really, they don’t! lol

So, what should I be blogging about?  A very good friend, Ms Bailey Dazy said I should write a post about her.   Perhaps I will, she’s a terrific person and I love her dearly.  Then again, all of my friends are wonderful people and deserve a post just about them!  So maybe that’s what I’ll do, posts dedicated to my friends!

Stay tuned… Watch this space…. And let me know what you want to hear about.

I got excited seeing this question. It’s actually something I tried to do with BaileysReach, the island this blog was actually named in honor of.  BaileysReach was what is now called a Homestead and while it was partially my home, it was also a refuge for anyone who wanted to just get away and relax or escape.  My very good friend Rrishanna Regina landscaped the entire island and it was beautiful.  I hated getting rid of that island but I just couldn’t afford it anymore. So to get a sim tier free… well that would be fun. 

There are so many beautiful sims on the grid I think I’d rather do something totally frivolous.  I’ve loved fairy tales since I was a little girl, especially Cinderella.  If I’m totally honest, I liked the mice the best.   The whole idea that a poor un noticed girl could become a Princess is just about every little girls dream.  So, yeah this is my favorite fairy tale. 

My sim would be all about the fairy tales.  Cinderella, Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood, Sleeping Beauty, and Jack and the Beanstalk.  I know there are hundreds more but it’s only one sim!

I’m a decent builder but there is no way I could properly do these justice by myself so I’d enlist the help of some good friends who are incredibly talented, Prad and Rrish.  Rrish would love the challenge, Prad would laugh at me.  He’d help though, he likes a challenge. 

Once it was all built I’d open it up to the public to just hang out in or even to RP in.  Anyone could come and act out the fairy tale as written or rewrite it for their amusment. 

I’d want to make it a place to have fun, take pictures, explore.  I’d  probably hide some cool freebies all over the sim for people to find.  Like half eaten apples on the snow white side, glass slippers for Cinderella, beans for Jack and little red hoods for Red Riding Hood.  These would be items donated that fit into the theme.  Not so much a hunt but items to help enjoy the sim.

Well there you go… my idea for a sim that’s not residential or commercial.  If anyone reads this and wants to help me make this dream a reality, let me know!  I really do want to do this someday….

This BBBC challenge is a blast, I’m really enjoying it.  I’ve missed writing here and hopefully this is just the kickstart to get back to it.