I had an interesting conversation with someone last night.  I’ve not known them long and until recently had never really spent much time talking to them.  I don’t know how it started but we’ve talked a lot recently about everything, SL, RL you name it.  I’ve always liked her but after the discussions we’ve had lately, I’m happy and proud to call her a good friend.

So, last night we’re talking and she tells me she had been intimidated by me when we’d first met.  What???? Me??? I was shocked.  I consider myself the least intimidating person in the world.  In fact, had anyone asked me, I would have said the same about her.  I didn’t ask why she thought that and she didn’t elaborate either.  We’re beyond that, at least I think we are.  She and I will talk more, maybe I’ll ask her why she thought that, maybe not.

Well her admission to me got me thinking.  It’s not the first time I’ve had someone tell me they were intimidated by me.  It’s happened a few times come to think of it.  I didn’t understand it then, don’t understand it now.  I’m the least threatening person I know!  I know I tend to be quiet in large group chats.  Mostly cause if I’m talking I can’t keep up with everyone else. LOL  Not to mention I’m also multitasking.  There are only so many hours in the day and with most spent at work with acess to NOTHING, that means when I’m  on the PC at home, multi-tasking.  I can photoshop while in SL or do homework so just cause I’m quiet, doesn’t mean i’m sitting on my side of the monitor thinking of ways to plot your eventual downfall.  With the exception of a few people I usually/generally like everyone, talk to everyone.  I’m kind and friendly to noobs.  I don’t go off on people and get all uber bitch.   Usually after talking to me for 5 minutes they’ll say “Hey you aren’t the bitch “so and so” said you were”  or “Wow, your actually nice”.  It’s really rather odd when someone says that to you. How on earth do you respond to something like that?

So why am I intimidating?  It’s a totally serious question, for anyone who knows me in SL.

EDIT:  At Lands’ request I’ve removed her comments from this post.

Time rolls on, people change, circumstances change.  What was once important to someone no longer is and it’s replaced by something else.  Friendships made change and evolve in time. 

I’ve seen a lot of changes in the past few months, some wonderful, some just odd and some that make me sad for the way things were.

I think the hardest change to deal with have been the people who have disappeared.  People change yes.  Priorities change yes.  Commitments are made and taken back, promises made and broken.  Bonds formed and wiped out.  It happens, I know that.  It doesn’t mean I have to like it.  If someone I’ve known for 2 years suddenly disappears without another word, I’m going to be sad.  Especially when I’ve been there for them when no one else was.  I end up asking if my friendship meant so little to them.

Why don’t I contact them you ask?  Well yeah, I could.  But when you realize every communication with them was started by you… yeah you realize they obviously DON’T want to hear from you.  So you start to wonder what you’ve done when you realize so many people you thought were friends are gone. 

It’s then that you decide that it’s time for a change and a change you find.  You find someone you love who loves you.  You find a new group of friends who are happy to have you around, and new activities which you are totally enjoying. 

So, what’s wrong with all of this?  Maybe I’m too sentimental but I don’t like losing people who were close to me.  One thing I realized however, I can’t keep blaming myself for not having spoken to or seen them.  The lines of communication go both ways.  If they had wanted to hear from me, or were curious about what I was doing, I would have heard from them.  I can’t continue to beat myself up.  I’m busy too.  I have feelings too.  So I’ll just close those chapters and move on….

I’ve seen sims that were beautiful and strange disappear leaving us with only our pictures and memories.  I miss some of these places.  They gave me a sense of peace whenever I’d visit to take pics or to simply just wander around enjoying the beauty of them.  Some disappeared before I ever had a chance to see them and now I have to be content with the flickr streams of others.  My own sim, BaileysReach is gone.  I thought I’d miss it but I don’t.  Being up there on that island made me too isolated.  I like people, I like to be around people.  Sitting on that big sim alone made me lonely so I rarely was there.  So I moved back on to Angel Square.

Speaking of Angel Square… I’ve had the pleasure of owning the sim for over a year now.  I don’t regret buying the sim for a minute.  Oh I regret certain things that were done in the beginning but buying the island… never.  I think it’s time to celebrate this.  I’m going to be making some changes to the blog (I hope) and the sim in the next couple of months so stay tuned….

First off, I know this post is probably going to piss someone off.   That said ….

It’s been commented on and discussed through out the grid, the forums and the blogosphere, Linden Lab is moving the hardcore adult content off onto their own continent.  Ok.  What gets moved, how, defining *adult* etc all have yet to be done but LL is inviting residents to participate in the discussion about it.  This is a good thing in my mind and something they’ve not done well in the past so good for them.

Granted, this decision doesn’t affect me personally as my sims are Mature but are not part of the "adult" business.  However I have to ask why everyone is in such an uproar.

First, I have to ask why is this such a problem?  Don’t themed areas do better financially?  If your looking for something isn’t it easier when you find it all in one place?  Now I’ll admit that being told "where" I can put my business might piss me off.  But at the end of the day, if I want the business then I’m going to go where the customers will be.  Look around the grid and you’ll see this is true.  Stores of a certain type will gravitate to the sims that will support them.  The Vampire focused sims have stores filled with vampire teeth and skins etc.  I’ve not been to the primarily furry sims but I’d imagine the same holds true for them.  I do spend a lot of time in Midian and the few stores there certainly support the nature of the sim.

Second, haven’t people on the mainland been bitching and moaning about all the sex clubs/shops/billboards/etc popping up next to their pretty little homes?  I’ve heard the complaints about LL not providing appropriate or any zoning rules on the mainland and how it affects land prices etc etc.  Well, ok, here’s some zoning rules.  I’d think you’d all be happy.  That sex club that you see everytime you sit on your porch won’t be there.  No idea what will move in but it won’t be a sex club.

Now we know the teen grid and the main grid are going to merge.  We also know that kids have been on the main grid for as long as there has been a main grid.  A good many of them are more mature than some adults I’ve met and I’d hate to see them go.  I also know I’ve spoken to a lot of parents who wish they could interact with their kid on the grid.  That seems reasonable doesn’t it?  Parents should be able to see and interact with their kids on the grid.

Some people are going to make a fuss about creativity and individual freedoms and how this isn’t RL etc etc.  LL has and will always do what it feels is necessary in order for it to survive and flourish.  How many people have complained over the past year about the bad press SL gets when everyone thinks it’s all about sex and porn?  Well you can’t have it both ways.  Either LL takes steps to improve it’s reputation and make SL usable to everyone, or it dies eventually because no one will take it seriously when all they hear about it is the sex stories.

Some will say "but we’re all adults we should be able to do what we want".  Well you still can.  Yes, if you want to buy something in world from a specific shop you may need to be age verified.  What exactly is the problem with that?  Is there a reason you don’t want LL to know any personal details about yourself?  If you’ve ever shopped online, then someone knows more personal details about you than you know.  If you don’t want to age verify there is always xstreetsl.

Really folks, at the end of the day, this isn’t going to be that big a deal to the majority of the population.

I can’t believe how many times I have this discussion/argument with people.  Most of the time it is with people who’ve not spent a sufficient amount of time in SL to be able to make the claim that is or is not a game.

I refer everyone to  Prad’s post on the matter, I couldn’t say it any better than he does.  Go ahead I’ll wait…..

So, tell me how SL is a game.  There is no winner or loser.  There is  no *quest* or *goal*.  There are no points or scoring systems.    So how is it a game?  I log in everyday, I work, I interact with people socially, I relax and hang out with friends, I shop, I listen to music, I take photographs.  I don’t see anything there that would suggest this was a game.  In fact it sounds remarkably like what I do in RL.  The difference?  I do it virtually in SL and interact with people all over the world that I couldn’t do in RL.

So please, tell me how SL is a game?  Yes there are games within SL.  Contests to win and virtual games to play.  That does not make SL a game.  If those were the rules you’d have to say that RL was a game. 

I’m tired of having to explain it over and over again.

To those who know me well, they’ll know that my avie has gone thru quite a few changes in the last couple of months.  The most notable of this is she’s completely neko now.  Not just part time, all the time.  She’s also sporting a lovely leopard skin.

The reasons for making these changes isn’t really the point of this post.  The fact remains that this is who Bailey is.  Now last night I was out shopping with a friend.  This friend happens to be a child av and that child av is my daughter.  The person behind the av is a good friend and I am old enough to be her mother!

The point of all of this was a couple comments directed toward me in IM.  I’ve also heard a number of comments from other people about child avs.  Course I’ve heard loads of comments about nekos in general, Gor slaves, kid avies, furries etc etc  These comments range from the bland to vile things I’d never repeat.

Hearing these comments disappoints me.  This is second life, a place where you can be anyone and anything you wish to be.  Shouldn’t everyone else be able to do the same?  What does it matter to you if I’m out shopping with my daughter?  I’m not asking you to recognize her as my daughter, I’m not even asking you to say hello.  Ignore us if it makes you feel better.   The same would be said for all the others I mentioned above. 

If your out shopping and you see a Gor slave kneeling half naked or a furry, or a vampire or any of the others I’ve mentioned above and you don’t like it, ignore it.  They aren’t asking for you to interact with them.  They are simply there to shop just like you.  Don’t stare, don’t grimace and don’t run to AR them.  Leave them alone, let them shop in peace.  No one is asking you to interact with someone  you don’t wish to. 

I will say though, it’s still polite to say "I’m sorry" when you body slam someone trying to get in the store.

So yeah, I’m disappointed in some of my fellow residents.  Who knew that when we logged in to SL to escape the crap in RL we’d let all that bigotry, hate, and intolerance in.

The next time I’m out shopping with my daughter or son and someone makes a comment, I’m going to ignore them.  I’m not going to waste a moment of my time acknowledging them and their small minds.

The next time your out shopping and you see a Gor slave/master think abou this before you comment, would you tell a neko to take off their tail and ears before going shopping?  Does the fairy or angel need to take her wings off?  Are you going to tell that Vampire , sorry put the teeth away?  What about the robot , can’t even imagine what problem anyone would have with a robot.

Stop being judgmental against someone because you neither understand why they do what they do nor approve of it.  It’s not up to you to like it, or approve it.  They are entitled to live their own second lives as they see fit.

*end rant*

UPDATE:  I’ve closed comments on this post and I will no longer allow comments on this blog that do not stay on track with the message delivered in the post.

Yep, that’s me.  I’ve been a bad blogger.  Haven’t posted a thing in days.  Why you may ask?  Well, I’ve been sick in RL and really haven’t felt like writing anything.  I’ve also been busy doing other things.  What other things?  Oh, you’ll all find out at some point.  Just not now.

Back to blogging though.  I’ve missed it actually.  One of the blogs I read had a link to this website  and the premise sounded pretty good so I went to check it out.  Of course they want you to buy the video, the book, the tapes etc etc but the basic premise I like.  Here’s the idea, stop complaining and criticizing for 21 days.  If you catch yourself doing it, then start over for 21 days.

What an incredible concept no?  No complaints, no criticisms, no gossip, no drama for 21 days.  Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you complain about something in your day?  Being home sick for three days I’ve done a lot of complaining believe me.  But I’ve been sick so I decided to not even try this until I felt better.  I’ll start this weekend.  21 days, I think I can do it.

What about you?  Can you go 21 days without a complaint about someone or something?  21 days without criticizing someone’s behavior, clothing, attitude? 21 days without talking about someone negatively?

I’d love to hear what you think about this and whether or not you think you can do it.  I’ll post everyday to let you know how I’m doing.  Yes, I’ll be honest and not cheat!  Not that most of you would know if I did but I won’t.

I challenge anyone who wants to do this with me to comment here or drop me a note/IM in world.  Most of my IMs go to email and I’ll respond when I get it.

Even if you choose to not try this little experiment with me, think about how many times you’ve complained today.  It’s only 7am for me and I’ve ripped our building maintenance apart for not sanding the parking lot or handing out ice skates.  It’s a valid complaint granted but instead of complaining, I should call them, which I did.  I won’t tell you what they told me.  It wasn’t nice.

So, wow been a busy few days now hasn’t it.  To say that the grid had issues this past weekend would be an understatement.  Logins were on and off more often than…. well, it was a lot.  Don’t rezz no copy items, teleports down, stale transactions and I won’t even talk about what Midian was like.

I’ve been a resident for over 2 years now.  Way back when I was still in my Ruth skin this kind of behaviour was normal.  Hair and shoes hanging off your arse, unable to walk across a sim line.  It was awful.  But it got better.  It really did.  In fact the majority of 2008 was awesome.  Crashs happen but not often.  No weird attachments.  And if the grid went down, everyone got booted(well, except Prad).  In fact every Wednesday the grid would go down, we’d all log in to RL and eventually the grid came back up and life went on.  Glitches happened of course but they usually fixed themselves in an hour or two.

This last week and especially this past weekend has been the worst I’ve seen in 2 years.  People spamming their groups to not log out because logins were disabled.  Then once you inevitably crashed, trying in vain to log back in.  To say I was annoyed would be an understatement.  I don’t usually complain about LL.  I know they are doing the best they can.  At least I hope they are.  But whatever it is that sent the grid into a tailspin this past week needs to get fixed.  And soon. 

There are a lot of us paying a great deal of money every month.  We expect excellent service and a product that works.  Glitches will happen, we get that.  But I have to say I’d rather know the grid was gonna be down for 4 hours on one day then lose 4 hours in little bits and pieces over the course of 3 days. 

As far as the buyout of Xstreetxl and Onrez…. I’ll reserve judgement until I see what they intend to do with it.

I know I’ve talked about this before but really, what is wrong with people?   Group owners, store owners, designers, and land owners are under NO obligation to give anything away, EVER!   Seriously people, get a grip.  If you join a group and the owner sends out a gift, THANK them.   Don’t start bitching about the color.  I mean really, WTF???  It was a GIFT!! 

When someone gives you a gift in RL do you immediately tell them it’s the wrong color or that it should be this or that?   I certainly hope not.  You don’t have to like everything your given but have a little bit of tact and common sense and thank the person who gave it to you and then go throw up in the restroom or bushes or wherever if you feel the need to. 

If I go into a store in SL and they have a freebie I may or may not pick it up.   Usually I don’t feel right taking the freebie if I’ve never bought from the store.   That’s just how I am.  I usually walk by the freebies.   Lots of people search out freebies though.  For whatever reason they have a mission to search out quality free items.   Good for them.  If they are pleasant and gracious and friendly I applaud them for the hunt.   It’s the ones that think that they are entitled to the freebie that I have an issue with. 

Why are you entitled to get free stuff?   I’d love to know.  What makes you *entitled* to it?   Did you do something special?  Cure Cancer?  End poverty?  Solve the world’s food problems?  Bring about world peace?  Make the grid more stable?  Lower tier rates?  Make a better viewer?

Nope didn’t think so.  So get in line with the rest of us and stop moaning about what you’re entitled to or that the group gift you got was the wrong color.   Some day when you’ve got your own store or your own group is giving out freebies let me know how much you like getting the hate mail/notecards or IMs from people telling you to F*** Off because the beautiful gift you gave out was the wrong bloody color!

*Evangeline Miles of Evie’s closet posted recently about comments she’s received about her group and the *group gift*.   Reading her post and the comments she’s gotten prompted me to write this.

I’ve heard quite a few people complaining about Alts lately.   What is an alt you ask?   An Alt is an alternative avatar, a second or third or fourth persona you create usually entirely different from your original avie.   I’ve heard of people having up to 10 other avies.

Why have one?  The reasons are as varied as the people who have them.   Business reasons, role play, to spy on a significant other, to hide from a significant other and on and on.   I will admit to having two alts.  One I rarely use that I set up to roleplay with and never got into and one that I created because well, sometimes you need another av for a photoshoot.   It’s a male av and I’ve yet to *dude* him up but I’ll get there.

The Business Alt:   Having a business alt makes total sense when you run a successful business.   Generally that av only logs in from time to time, handles the administrative things and logs out again.   This av isn’t usually hidden from anyone.

The Role Play Alt:   So, you wanna go all psycho in Midian or CoLA or any of the other roleplay sims.   Your very proper human av just won’t cut it though.  You make an alt in which to be whatever mutant or neko or vamp you wish to be.   Some people share this alt with their friends, some don’t. 

The I need to spy on my significant other Alt :  Ok so your dating/partnered/engaged/married and your significant other seems different.   You know something is wrong but they simply say everything is fine.   You don’t believe them.  You worry they are cheating.  What do you do?   You create an alt and then go spy on them.   Let me just say I’m NOT condoning this behavior.  Having been on the receiving end of it I can tell you it destroys all trust in a relationship.  I dated someone who had an Alt to spy on every girl he dated.  Some male, some female.  He even created one male av and used it to hit on me to see if I’d take the bait.  No, I didn’t.   My suggestion, if you think your significant other is cheating, ask them outright or end the relationship.   Spying is simply wrong.

The I need to hide from my significant other Alt :  Ok, so you’re in a great relationship but you want a bit of alone time.   Your other half just doesn’t understand why you don’t want to spend every waking minute with them.   You create an Alt so you can get some peace and do what you want.   Wanting some peace and being able to do whatever you like is all fine but maybe you need to have a heart to heart with the significant other rather than hiding behind an alt.

The I just want to annoy everyone Alt :  You’ve probably had one to many alcoholic beverages and think it would be a real hoot to create and alt and then go to your favorite hang out in your underwear and hit on your friends.   True story, happened at the Crown the other night.  Lands was kind enough to share the story with me.   I’ll refer you to Prad Prathivi’s  Rules of Second Life , SL and alcohol don’t mix.  It’s #49 on the list but do read all of them, they are quite funny and oh so true.

The I look better than I should only being 3 mins old Alt :  Do not try to tell me you’re a noob when you’ve got a Redgrave Skin, Diversity Hair, an outfit from Last Call(which is closed) and shoes from Shiny Things or boots from Bax.   Cause there is no way someone under 30 days has any of that stuff, especially from Last Call as they have been closed a while now.   You created an alt, transferred stuff over and are trying to be *new* again.   You know what, fess up that it’s an alt.  Trying to pretend your something your not is just silly, we see right through it.  

This concludes my little rant on Alts. 

To the regular readers of my blog, you’ve seen the many seamingly pointless comments left on many of my posts.  They are all left by the same person using numerous anonymous email addresses.  How do I know it’s the same person?  IP address traces.  We are never totally anonymous on the internet.

Most recently he claims he simply wants an answer from me.  He overlooks I gave him that answer on November 10, 2008 in the email I’ve copied below.  It’s not editted except for the email address.  Why am I doing this?  It’s come to my attention he has been trolling the blogs of my friends.  Should any of you see a comment from him about me or something on my blog, just ignore it.  Don’t answer him.

Below is the email I sent him on November 10th of this year telling him to leave me alone.

—————————- Original Message —————————-
Subject: Re:
From: baileylongcloth@angelsquare.net
Date: Mon, November 10, 2008 12:43 pm
To:xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

————————————————————————–

Yes I’ve gotten all of your voicemail, email and IMs. Yes I’ve seen the
comments on my blog as have all of my friends.

You really have no concept of privacy do you?

First: SL and RL are TOTALLY SEPARATE.
- You do not combine them without the express permission of the other
party.
- Using my real name or initials in a blog post, or professing your love
for me in a crowded room are WRONG.
- Creating a new avatar every day and coming to the Crown to spy on me
is WRONG, RUDE and DISTURBING.
- Commenting on my SL Blog and trying to draw ANY comparison to RL is
totally offbase and WRONG. You can’t use a comment I made about SL, and
something specific of which you know NOTHING and try to use it to your
advantage. It doesn’t work. Not that I need to explain, but the blog
post you quoted was one in which I was talking “a couple”, two people IN A
RELATIONSHIP.

Second: I said last week I didn’t want to talk to you. Yet you continue
to email, to call. Stop calling, stop emailing me. You keep telling me
how you feel, and what I should or shouldn’t do based on how you feel. Do
my feelings or wishes mean anything? Do you have no respect for what I
want?

Third: Marking all the email you send me as return receipt is typical
stalker behaviour. You’ve embarrassed me in front of my friends, you’ve
crossed any number of boundaries, you continue to say you’ll leave me
alone and then send me 6 emails. You said you’d leave me alone in SL and
yet you have a new av everynight.

Fourth: This email does not require a reply. Just stop calling and
emailing me. And stay away from me in SL. I don’t want to have you
banned from the service entirely but I will if I have to.

Stopping by my desk today was highly inappropriate.

None of this is open for debate Mxxx. If you can’t do what I ask I’ll
have to go to the authorities.