Over the course of the past weeks I’ve been forced to re-read much of what I’ve written in what were private conversations. Whether it was because it was posted somewhere without my permission or simply to refresh my own memory about past events, I’ve been revisiting the past alot.
Someone told me once that you can’t go back and they were right. You really can’t go back. Once you’ve lived that moment, it’s over it’s gone and you’ve already changed somewhat because of it. To look back now, months later on the conversations I had with people I have to wonder what I was thinking when I said some of the things I said. I’m not saying I would change the tone of my half of the conversation, or even the message but I said things then that I wouldn’t say now. I remember these conversations like it was yesterday and all the same thoughts and feelings came back as if I was reliving it all over again. I suppose the difference now is, I trusted the people I was talking to enough to share things with them that I wouldn’t share with the world and now it has been shared with the world. Trust is hard enough to come by these days but to have that trust you’ve given be trashed, stomped on and thrown back at you…. I guess some things are better left unsaid no matter who you are talking to.
I’ve gone back and re-read the this blog too and one post I wrote rings true for me again today. You can read it here: http://www.baileylongcloth.com/2009/06/09/conflict/ Go ahead, go read it, I’ll wait.
The one thing I’ve learned now that perhaps I hadn’t thought of before is that sometimes the best way to deal with conflict is to walk away from it. To learn to pick your battles and let go of the ones that while you may win, they serve no purpose in winning. There are times when there even the winner loses.
So, it’s Sunday. RP Mass in Midian this afternoon. Something I do look forward to every week. While I am not overly religious in RL, I am a Catholic and even though it’s just RP, it does give me a good feeling for the upcoming week. If nothing more than a simple reflection of the previous week. I have a lot to reflect on. Not to mention I get to RP with a bunch of people I truly like and care for. Spending a few hours with them every week is something I truly look forward to.
Have a good day everyone.
I stood with you in mass this evening. I thought I’d actually come and see what everybody enjoyed about it rather than continuing to slate it as ‘boring’ and ‘trying to force the opinion of God on another’. I’ve not shared this opinion in public, but I have with a few friends who I know wouldn’t take offense to this. It was just my opinion.
I’m not a religious person, I wasn’t even born into a religion as my mother believed I should be able to choose my own religion when I was old enough to do so.
It has been the actions and comments of those in this blog and Flickr, etc, recently that has turned my view point on this, believe it or not. I’ve seen that there are people out there in Midian that want to provide enjoyable RP for everybody around them, and thus sparked my interest in the church this evening.
I have to admit, I still didn’t understand much of it. Whether I would or not if I kept on attending I don’t know. But even though I’m not a religious person, I *am* a spiritual person and do find some sort of comfort that there is *something* out there. This applies to RL largely, and as I mentioned above, whether I understand the service or not is one thing. But I do get a sense of comfort out of churches for my spiritual beliefs if nothing else – and I did enjoy it this evening
I was born and raised Catholic. So devout, I wanted to join the clergy, begin as an altar boy.. work my way through the clergy in life. It was my calling. I knew it deep down. My mother sat with me to meet hte priest. The priest said flat out. In Gods eyes I do not exist, becuase my parents were never married, and if it is in Gods eyes, it is in the churches eyes. I have never looked at christanity since. Been pagan since as it has consoled me.
BUT today I missed mass. I usualy attend becuase there is something unique about it. Its calming. Its meditative. It does seem to do alot of pepole good. Its been something I’ve studied long in my life.. the effects of Belief on the person.
Today I missed mass as I said. I was out at the movies. My exwife took my son to see Chipmunks. Me. I saw the Book of Eli. I am no Christian. I dont think I can be a christian. But is what you have faith in important? OR is it that you can have faith in something? Faith is a pure, innocent thing. Do we need to have somethign innnocent, pure, and devoted in our lives to balance all else we have?
I think so. I have faith. In what I dont know. BUt I dont need to know. I have faith. And I have faith that my faith, is in what I need to have it in. If that makes any kind of sense.
I’m Jewish in RL and one thing to keep in mind with the Midian church RP is, just like every other setting and scene, it’s *RP*. And there are many dark threads that weave through the Parish roleplay and within that church, just like in Midian proper.
It doesn’t bother me, because it’s not RL. No one is trying to OOCly convert me, no one is trying OOCly force their beliefs down my throat. When I’m there, I’m there as my character, and she’s Vodou which is liberally soaked in the Catholic overlay, AND she has close ties with the people in the Parish.
Like anything, and EVERYthing in roleplay, the IC/OOC barrier is the only real sacred thing.
Make sense?
Cheers,
-M
Not recently of course, but in the past I have sat through a few of the Midian Parish’s proceedings and I have to say the parish staff does an excellent job of it. Now having said that I really really found it boring .. but I don’t want that to reflect on the RP ability of the people involved because I find RL religious rituals boring too. Kinda weird for someone with a religious studies degree huh?
I myself for the record am a pantheistic pagan with leanings towards eastern shinto following and a almost agnostic view of the lack of a true deity but rather a collective universal consciousness that forms the fabric of the universe and binds all of us together. In essence .. we are all god.
I have always though since I was a child been fascinated by religion, probably because my grandmother worked at a temple. And I am extremely tolerant and accepting of others because I believe none of us can truly know, but that even if I am correct then in essence, we all are.