Personally, I wasn’t intimidated by Bails when I first met her. The very first time, I really only knew her as Dazy’s friend, and seeing her a couple times when invited over the summer to some of Dazy’s gigs at the Crown. Then, I found her friendly, but hadn’t really been around her enough to become friends.

After becoming reacquainted with Bails towards the end of January of this year, well, all I can say is that I am very glad we met up again. I was at a time of change in my life, and meeting her was a good change, and has thus remained to be so ever since.

Admirable is on the top of my list of words to describe her. Biased? Maybe so. But an informed bias by having met and come to love her.

And that’s all I have to say on this particular subject.

Bailey Rocks folks \m/

I’m not sure that for me the word was intimidating. I met you through our blogs first. We read each other’s posts, commented. You always seemed to KNOW so much. You were aware of so many topics and skills that were all new to me. You always had a well-thought out, clearly articulated opinion. Even when you were writing on personal or emotional issues – your words conveyed competency, depth.

Yet whenever I commented on your blog, or pinged you inworld – you were always gracious and kind and helpful. But maybe just a wee bit intimidating, which could have been my own feeling of inadequacy. Because I never wanted to over-ping you or be totally stupid – you did appear to have a very full life and lots going on. I didn’t want to overstep my welcome.

So I don’t think I was intimidated as much as impressed. You are very impressive. You juggle so many different SL interests. You are well-read and well-informed on many topics. You have building and scripting and SL-life skills. (read shopping).

So although I understand the “intimidating”, I think that I would use “admirable” and “impressive”. And, of course, generous, helpful and gracious.

*hugs* Love you, Bailey. Thanks for all you’ve taught me and all the help you’ve given and continue to give.

Having said that… Reading all of this makes me sick. You’re all adults, you’re all entitled to your own opinions, and thanks to the constitution you’re all entitled to voice said opinions. Respect that.

That’s all I’d like to say.

Denial is such a good way to argue isn’t it? Give a pass on other people’s perspectives so that you can talk over them and make your own views seem more important. Works well in debates. Not so much in being ‘honest’ in a blog, both with regards to others involved in the discussion, as well as one’s self.

“Bailey asked for an answer, I gave one.”

Could have just been a rhetorical to promote a discussion on perceptions. Either way, your comment had been viewed as judgmental, and it is easy to see how one could come to that viewpoint. The comment does seem like you took the question as a means to be judgmental of Bailey, and, therefore, being rather opportunist in your posting as a means of pointing the finger and laying the blame for perceptions entirely on Bailey. That, personally, I not only find judgmental, but rather rude. It also begs to question the actual honesty of the comment and what really was the underlying purpose for posting it.

“If you’re honestly going to suggest that everyone who’s ever had a problem with her has your same internal issues then I’m going to make a o.O face at you. Cause that seems very unlikely, dont you think..?”

Ironically, the only one on here that seemed to make a claim to speak for others in any sort of way was you, Landsend. You claim to possibly have the perception of others at the end of your commentary that has gotten the limelight by saying:

“But maybe that can help you understand what others sometimes see (or saw).”

How do you honestly know what others see, or had seen? Can you honestly speak for anyone else in the bar, or that has personally met Bailey? I think not. And I think that is part of what prompted Lydia to reply is because she doesn’t want you speaking for her and claiming she’s one of those ‘others’ you had claimed to be giving such a better understanding about. It is also what prompted me to reply as well, being that I am not one of those ‘others’ that you claim to represent. I just wanted to keep my comment much more cordial, but feel the need to expand a bit, since apparently that was not clear enough of a comment. It seems so by how easily you cans off others’ views and want to claim to speak for others, until other people say that is in no way how they see things. Again, denial is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?

As for pots and kettles, I can easily show where you exactly said:

“I did find you stand-off-ish and judgamental.”

You did call Bails stand-off-ish and judgmental. And the pot and kettle makes perfect sense there because you DO yourself come off stand-off-ish and judgmental in your comments. That was your claim and the rest of your post seemed very much in line with trying to develop an argument around the reasons why you considered her stand-off-ish and judgmental.

If that wasn’t the crux of your claim, then what were your examples pointing at? If you weren’t trying to build a claim as to Bails being those things, then what was the point of the examples of:

1. claiming she “had a habit of telling people off at 3 Lions” to support the view that she was “putting people in their place”

2. saying that she “simply didn’t talk that much in open chat,” to which you added, “when you did speak it was often negative.”

It’s wonderful how you put the disclaimer at the end. But, still, it comes off judgmental, and purposely so, regardless of the disclaimer. It would seem a sort of passive aggression, which then puts yet another pot calling the kettle black when you claim Lydia’s comments are aggressive, when you tell her, “You come off as quite agressive and defensive, when it’s really not necessary.” And, Ironically, again, yuo claim to speak for others, saying, “it was accurate for me and no doubt many others (since she says she is getting these sorts of comments from more than just you).” That to me sounds like stirring the potting, and then pointing the spoon at the kettle. It’s amazing, almost laughable, if not sad, how much your credibility and honesty go out the window when one looks at the intertwining spin of your argument.

As far as aggression goes, and its merits. Well, it seems some people do require more forcible arguments. But you know, I would really wonder what any more effort to try and debate these matters with you would be all that productive, since you do well at spinning things off of yourself and pointing the blame at others. And that, to me, makes the metaphors of pot and kettle, glass house, and the like, quite relevant.

And you were right, Ioh. I was saying that Bailey did nothing to make me call her intimidating and that my reasoning was my feelings of self doubt and self resentment. Good eye.

No, Bailey doesn’t require friends to defend her, but friends can and do reply to comments.

I don’t know about the glass house comment, other than the transparency anyone would have with a blog online, but I would go with another old saying about the pot calling the kettle black.

As far as you finding her standoffish and judgmental, I’ve never seen her as such. Quiet, perhaps, but she opened right up when I approached her and made the first move.

I took the opportunity to read a portion of your own blog before writing this, as one is often most visible from atop their soapbox, and the only comment I really have to make is about people in glass houses. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying.

I may not know Bails irl all that well, but what I do know of her makes me glad to have met her. She is my best friend on SL and I care for her. Needless to say, I don’t like seeing someone stalking her. I know she doesn’t like it either, and she has made that very clear.

As for perceptions. Well, I’ve had various perceptions put on me in SL and RL. I don’t think all of them are ever too accurate. Though maybe from each person’s perception, I get an idea on how others see me. Sometimes that perception doesn’t match up with how I perceive myself. But suppose it’s good to know the perception, though bad to dwell too much on what others think. Not everyone in the world has your best interests in mind. So at least knowing what perceptions you don’t want can give an idea of who best to avoid in consideration to how they wish to perceive you contrary to how you would like to be perceived and treated.