…yourself.

…your friends.

…your mind/wants/desires/needs

Yesterday was Prad’s party and I spent some time myself reflecting on the past 2 years.  Good and bad times, mistakes made, small triumphs, friendships made and broken.  It doesn’t seem like such a long time, 2 years until you start to  replay them in your head.  The small smile at a memory, the laugh at an old picture, the tears from a loss, the frown at would could have been, and even the anger at some lingering pain. 

I’d like to think I’ve learned from all of this.  I’m sure some of you would say I haven’t that I’m still just a silly little girl.   Hopefully some of you agree that I’ve changed, learned and grown.

It’s difficult hearing what someone thinks of you.  Oh it’s easy when they say things to your face.  Easy is the wrong word.  It’s the difference between seeing the truck hit you and simply waking up dazed and confused weeks later.  It really is easier when you see it coming.

Now I know I’m not going to be best friends with everyone I meet.  Nor will I be close friends with everyone I meet.  I can’t be, don’t expect to be.  It’s still a surprise though when I find out what some people really think of me.  I don’t suppose I should be shocked at it anymore.  I’ve been accused of riding people’s coattails and sucking up and using certain people for a long time now.  That I only want to be friends with certain people because of who they are or what they can do for me or give me.  Every time I hear it, it hurts.  The people who say it, don’t know me.  If they did, they wouldn’t say it because they know how much it hurts. 

I’m not going to apologize for loving my friends and being willing to go to the ends of the earth for them.  I will continue to do it because I like making them happy. 

I’ll just be more careful who I open up to.

Tags: friends, SecondLife, sl