Last week I talked about love and sex. Ahuva http://ahuva18.wordpress.com/ today adds fantasy into the mix. I’m actually a bit amazed at how few people want to talk about it. With the prevelance of sex in Sl you’d think it would be a lot more popular.
So here we are. There are avatars all over SL right now engaging in some form of intimacy. Be it cybering, poseball/Xcite pixel bashing or simply cuddling somewhere private and chatting. So I have to ask… Is this a game? If your here for the fantasy part of this, the part where you can do things you’d never do in RL then is SL a game to you or is it real?
Now I hear lots of people say *it’s not a game* but how many really believe it. Are you your avatar and vice versa? Is your Avatar and extension of yourself and you an extension of your avatar?
Personally, SL is not a game. It’s not a fantasy for me either. Although I’ve done many things I’d never do in RL. And in that respect there is a bit of a *game* feeling. The fantasy that I can do what I won’t do in RL. But that’s limited to simply the doing of something. When it comes to my relationships with other Avatars and their humans, it stops being a game.
If you’ve ever had a relationship in SL and had it fall apart then you’ll know it’s not a game. The feelings are real. The pain is real. The joy is also real. The love is real. So, no, it’s not a game.
I’ve seen relationships fall apart and others grow and flourish. I’ve seen friends turn to lovers, then to partners then to marriage. In both SL and RL. I know it happens. Only those people really know the nature of their relationship in SL. Whether it was all sex or something else entirely. Something more than just sex.
Is there a line you won’t cross? Is there someone you’ve had a crush on but would NEVER do anything about? When do say "No, I won’t cross that line". Or do you say no?
I’ve come across a couple situations this week that have me wondering what I would or should do.
If you find out someone you’ve known for while is underage do you report them? It’s against the TOS to be under 18 and on the main grid. Yet we know there are a lot of *kids* on the main grid that never get reported. Should your friendship or the TOS dictate what you do? Honestly, I don’t know. Rules are made for a reason. Not only to protect the lab but to protect the residents as well. Do you trash a friendship because someone crossed a line that they shouldn’t have?
If you’ve caught someone in a lie do you call them on it? If you do and they deny it but you have proof, what do you do then? Can you stay friends with someone who can lie so easily? Can you stay friends with someone who you know is doing it just for attention?
When do you cross the line between friends and more than friends? Can you? Should you? If you cross that line the relationship forever changes. For better or worse what you had is gone. Is it worth it? It’s a question of what’s more important, the friendship you have, or what you may have romantically.
One last idea to ponder, do you have a secret crush? Someone no one knows about? Someone you fantasize about? Would you tell them?
Tags: cyber, fantasy, love, SecondLife, sex, sl
We are still thinking along similar lines, Bailey. I’ve been musing on the nature of friendship in SL as well. SL is NOT a game. The emotions are real.
I don’t know what to tell you about an underage friend. My thought is that these things always need to be judged on an individual basis. Probably most teens don’t belong inworld. Not to sound totally old-fashioned but I think that they should be doing other things and socializing with peers. There is time enough to move into adult privileges. Having said that – I believe that there ARE certain teens who are more than capable of handling SL and there is nothing wrong from that stand-point. TOS. I don’t know. I’m still so new to this. I have one friend who I think would say that absolutely you should abide by the TOS. I have another friend who would say that it is not your responsibility to enforce an arbitrary rule. /me smiles ruefully. I’m not helping, I know.
Like love, friendship has many layers. There are friends whom I trust, friends whose company I enjoy but I don’t trust them with anything that I hold important, friends with whom I share one particular interest, and so on. I can have fun with a liar (party, go to an event, things like that) but I would never classify that person as a true friend. I’m fairly non-confrontational so I probably wouldn’t call them on it. But I would always remember and would act accordingly: not give them anything of myself and take what they say with a grain of salt.
Here’s one for you: What do you do about a friend who claims that the two of you are good and close friends, and is willing to come occasionally and hang with you and your friends, but never invites you to join them with their friends or join them at other events? You KNOW that they think you are close and dear. You both IM forever on all sorts of subjects. But you feel like some sort of embarrassing relation who has to be hidden away.
That’s a tough situation your in Ahuva. I understand it though. I have some friends that are like that. I’ve invited myself along with them a few times but that generally doesn’t work out well.
I wish I had some pearl of wisdom for you. If I did I probably would have used it myself.
*huge hugs*
*hugs back*
okay, that 3rd paragraph demonstrated very nicely how it is not a game and the emotions are very real. i was being a tad unfair, extremely melodramatic, and probably chose the wrong venue as well. LOL. How I feel is accurate for the most part – the rest is undoubtedly totally overstating the situation. Otoh – thanks for giving me a “safe” place to vent.
I have to stop posting before the morning caffeine takes effect…..
Aww Ahuva we all have those days when emotions are high and get the better of us. I’ve done it myself and cringe when I think back on it.
Feel free to vent here anytime. I want everyone to feel they can say what’s on their mind here.
Your welcome to pop over to The Reach as well anytime. Some lovely spots to just relax in in the gardens.
*hugs*
Hye there Ahuva and BL,
Thoughtful musings from you both as always
I have to admit I haven’t found the nature of love or friendship to be that much of an issue in SL — I take people at face value in both worlds until they show me otherwise – depending on the nature of the – say — occurence I either 1) Make Serious Note to Self on Said Person 2) cool things down and let the friendship fade away as it probably should 3) call them on the event and then write em off and it that involves muting then so be it. In SL *and* RL.
An area that seems a little more grey but really isn’t (for me) – is – what about people who have treated my loved ones atrociously in either world? They’ve done nothing directly to me — but are they the kind of people i want to associate with in either world? If they can treat the people I love like dirt — how long before it’s my turn? That makes it a pretty simple call for me.
Just some thoughts…
Cheers! M.